Lately I have been wondering why I have not seen a big change in who I am, my actions, etc. and so I did some studying. I came to the conclusion that although my knowledge was improving, knowledge alone can't change me, it has to be applied. I realized that I have merely been changing my behaviors while being out but my nature is still what I call the "old Hayden" well, the reason I loved Elder Holland's talk was because I saw Peter as me, after tarrying with the Lord and after his crucifixion he returned to being a fishermen, to what he knew best. I saw that if I just finished my mission and went home and wasn't truly converted I would do what I knew best which is being well... a bum basically (excuse the bluntness) When Elder Holland quoted the Savior asking, "Peter, do you love me?" I heard "Hayden, do you love me?".....I'd answer "Yea Lord, thou knowest that I love thee I am on a mission for thee."...."Hayden, do you love me?" After reflecting on the talk later during the day I knew that I have a lot to work on. If I really love the lord how am I showing it? Do my actions show that I love the lord? Do my thoughts reflect my love for the lord? Do I serve like I love the lord? I realized I must become converted or I will come home the same and I do NOT want that and either does Heavenly Father. I want them proud of who I became because I thrusted my sickle in with all my heart, might, mind, and strength. I put it all on the table and grabbed that plough and pushed forward not looking back. How can I change my nature? Well, I must apply the principles the scriptures teach. I must have charity, I must have love, I must have patience, I must have humility, I must give my will over to the Father and give myself to His will. That is how I will change. I have embarked on a journey within a journey and this one is to become the person Heavenly Father knows I can become, the Priesthood holder he created me to become. I have ALL the tools I need and 17 months to get started on this journey that will never end, this time isn't just to change others lives it is to change my own. Perhaps that is why I was sent here, I hardly see successes, I don't have to learn a language, I don't see exotic things, I just needed hard work because I needed to be humbled. Heavenly Father is probably thinking, "Whoo, I thought he'd never get it." My goal is to make my will, his will."